It is like I was grieving my soul. My mind could not understand what my heart was feeling, therefore, my thoughts and emotions were in chaos. I was sad, hopeless and on normal days, I was numb to my surroundings.
I lost a taste for food, almost everything tasted the same and I could not get myself to see beyond my pain. I could wake up in tears, restless and sometimes I could just feel depressed moment to moment
This is when I felt “Locked” into a do or die situation in my soul. There was no going back to my old life and I could not pretend that I was embodying normal feelings like everybody else daily.
My days had changed and life, as I knew it before, was gone. I had two choices, either to stay in my pain of soul shock or take a leap of faith to cleanse my soul and become something new, the change that my Soul was craving to become.
This was challenging because each choice came with its hard work. Either way, the option to be my old self was not anymore.
This period was so challenging that sometimes I wanted to cut any connection to my Twin. I blocked him on my social media but kept chasing him both physically on text messaging and energetically.
The constant heart pull from him was so strong. By then, I had no idea how each heart pull had a different message. It is until I learned about both our energy further ahead on the journey that it became clear how I can feel both his emotions and mine.
Before that, I could not distinguish his emotional pain and mine. I used to feel all the emotions almost at once and I absorbed them as if they were my feelings which intensified the chaos in my emotions.
Sometimes we both pulled at each other at the same time or Pushed at the same time depending on what our physical experiences were or emotional states. When I was in a low state of mind like low energy; angry, irritated or in doubt, I pushed him away energetically and I could feel an energetic disconnection.
This caused a repulsion and I could end up being angry at myself and the connection. In these moments, I could just want to cut the connection from my Twin Soul.
In this period, some of my electronics failed to work or became faulty. I broke my cell phone and once he blocked me on text messaging, the phone network company moved out of the country. Some of these things happened for my good now I look back because the more disconnected we became, the more I focused on finding solutions and answers deep inside myself. I had nowhere else to run but to face myself with all my past pain and demons.
I had a minor road accident and I almost lost my life. I got robbed at my house and my business was going under. Life was so difficult. I once fell and hurt my left eye out of being stupidly drunk. Life sucked! In all these instances, my Twin soul was the first person I texted even though we are separated by two continents and 8 hours of time difference.
On top of this grief and pain that I was experiencing, I kept texting him about my feelings and life situations which pushed him much further away. This made me come up with more clever ways to chase him more and he ran further from me.
The more I chased him by contacting him, the more uncomfortable he became with our connection. I missed him so much more than before. The pull from him kept reassuring me that he loved me and I never gave up on being there for him energetically. I could feel our souls pulling at each other every second of the day. This was a total weakness for me.
This was the most painful time yet most healing to me. A new authentic part of me was born every time I Accepted my pain and faced up the challenge of the cleansing of my soul. And Once I did the Work of healing, that healed pain never returned.
I went through 6 months of cleansing emotional pain and healing my core wounding.
I became Spiritually awakened after the Dark Night of the Soul. I transformed into a being full of light and unconditional love.