I believed that I was the chaser at first, and I convinced myself that I was indeed chasing my Twin Flame. For one year, I thought that it was the truth but it turns out, I was the runner.
A brief background story to our relationship:
It was unplanned, and we did not expect to meet each other. I was married to his friend and he was visiting us. We knew of each other but through mutual friends and we had spoken on the phone previously but I did not feel anything special about him.
Long story short, we met and we went into the “bubble love” phase where everything was happening so fast. I felt as if I had lived a lifetime with him for almost a month.
Our physical separation was tough on me. I had told him about how much I hated separation and he said that I would be fine but this was excruciating.
I couldn’t take the pressure of a long-distance Twin Flame friendship — I missed him so much but I was still married. And, I was so overwhelmed by the chaotic feelings that my Twin Flame had woken within me.
Life seemed to be getting worse than it was before I met him and I was infuriated by the fact that I could not understand why missing him hurt so much.
I fired him a message explaining my feelings — my emotions were all over the place and I ended up telling that I will block him out of my life. I asked him to stay away and not feel the same way as I feel for him.
After blocking him, I instantly started panicking — reality kicked in and realized that I had made a mistake blocking him because it did not change how I felt for him. I missed him more deeply.
I chased him after that trying to ask for forgiveness but I had hurt him, and he started ignoring my messages.
For one year, I thought that I was a chaser, and I tried to surrender but it did not work since I was feeling guilty for blocking him out of my life. I also felt distinct feelings of remorse, anxiety, and anger that it made it difficult to have peace.
When the methods of surrender did not work, it changed my perspective. I realized that I was the one resisting the connection in the first place. I was the one who caused the frustration and I realized that instead of chasing him to ask for forgiveness, I had to first admit my wrongs.
Once I accepted that I was the runner, it changed my perspective of the Twin Flame journey. I accepted that I had an inner resistance to the change in my life and this is why surrender did not work.
I started to embrace the journey as a runner and healing started happening much faster.
About two months ago, I reached out to him to tell him that I am here waiting for him and that it is only him that I want. This changed the dynamic of our relationship and now we are headed to a reunion.
I am not planning on running away because I am free and ready to have a new life with him.