There was no going back to my old life and I could not pretend that my life was normal.
Life, as I knew it before, was gone and I had to choose between staying in pain or choose to embrace change and healing so that I could cleanse my soul.
Either way, the option to be my old self was not anymore. This period of experiencing emotional chaos was so challenging that sometimes I wanted to cut any connection to my Twin Flame.
I tried to block him on my social media but I kept chasing him both physically on text messaging and energetically with my obsessive thoughts.
The constant heart pull from him was so strong it made me realize that he was missing me too. By then, I had no idea that the heart pulling is a sign or a message that he is also thinking of me. It is until I learned about our energetic share further along the Twin Flame journey that it became clear how I can feel both his emotions and mine.
Before that, I could not distinguish between his emotional pain and mine. I used to feel all the emotions almost at once and I absorbed them as if they were my feelings which intensified the chaos in my emotions.
Sometimes we both pulled at each other at the same time or Pushed at the same time depending on our physical experiences were or emotional states. When I was in a low state of mind like low energy; angry, irritated, or in doubt, I pushed him away energetically and I could feel an energetic disconnection.
This caused a repulsion and I could end up being angry at myself and the connection. In these moments, I could just want to cut the connection between my Twin Soul. In this period, some of my electronics failed to work or became faulty. I broke my cell phone and once he blocked me on text messaging, the phone network company moved out of the country.
Some of these things happened for my good now I look back because the more disconnected we became, the more I focused on finding solutions and answers deep inside myself. I had nowhere else to run but to face myself with all my past pain and demons.
I had a minor road accident and I almost lost my life. I got robbed at my house and my business was going under. Life was so difficult. I once fell and hurt my left eye out of being stupidly drunk. Life sucked! In all these instances, my Twin soul was the first person I texted even though we are separated by two continents and 8 hours time difference.
On top of this grief and pain that I was experiencing, I kept texting him about my feelings and life situations which pushed him much further away. This made me come up with more clever ways to chase him more and he ran further from me.
The more I chased him by contacting him, the more uncomfortable he became with our connection. I missed him so much more than before. The pull from him kept reassuring me that he loved me and I never gave up on being there for him energetically. I could feel our souls pulling at each other every second of the day. This was a total weakness for me.
This was the most painful time yet most healing to me. A new authentic part of me was born every time I Accepted my pain and faced up the challenge of cleansing my soul. And Once I did the Work of healing, that healed pain never returned.
I went through 6 months of cleansing emotional pain and healing my core wounding.
I became Spiritually awakened after the Dark Night of the Soul. I transformed into a being full of light and unconditional love.
I was the Twin Flame runner, and the Dark Night of the Soul hit me hard — I thought it would never end. For over 6 months of emotional turmoil, my days were filled with mood swings, that were intense both the highs and lows.
I struggled to find out what was happening to me because I had never felt so much love before. My awakening was soul-shocking and invigorating at the same time. I sure was not AWAKE until I went into the shock of physical separation.
He said that so much change happened in his life that he had to quit his high-paying job because he realized that he was not happy. My running experience was brutal as well because I was missing my Twin Flame all the time and I think of him every minute of the day whether it’s conscious or not.
For me, the Dark Night of The Soul turned my life upside down. During the few times I sent him long letters, I described what my awakening experience was like to him. I told him about the past pain that was lodged within me that was very challenging to cleanse.
My friends didn’t understand what had come over me. I was an emotional wreck and I kept telling them about my experience but most of them thought that I was either depressed or going through a mid-life crisis.
Awakening to Twin Flame love was a crash course in Spirituality for me. I didn’t understand the meaning of Spirituality until I went through an awakening that transformed me from the inside to the outside.
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